It’s like I came back to life when I saw that site
“Beep Beep Boop”
You know it.
The one that tells you to cleanse your mind
What an overused phrase these days. But how I adore it. “Adoration” holds a special place in my heart. It is almost an obsession. In most respects, it is unhealthy: as all emotions can by categorized as. Adoration intertwines love and respect… but, because pride somehow comes with my personality as much as depression, respect is painful for me. Saying I respect or adore something is a rather large statement.
Now that I got that out of the way, back to let it go.
I adore this statement because it encompasses everything that I am being challenged to do right now. I like to be in control. Whenever I feel like I am losing it, I either grip tighter or run away. Really bad reaction. I cover it up with sarcasm quite well, but as the date for leaving the country gets closer I start to want to plan. I want to know where I will go. How I will be secure. How each event will play out. But I can’t ever know these things… and God is trying to get that through my head. Letting go… I don’t want to. But if I want to truly live to my fullest-aka, fully follow in Christ Jesus’ footsteps-I have to be willing to let Him control my steps… not me. It is something I know He is going to get me to learn how to do in my travels.
The first step to this was the simple fact that He closed the doors to Semester at Sea for me. This… is possibly the best thing that could have happened. Instead of being constricted to a schedule, classes, and a cruise ship, I am now backpacking Iceland and setting a base up in London, from where I will travel Europe. I then plan on somehow making my way to China or something. I actually have no fucking idea what the hell I’m doing after my plane lands in London, but… that is part of the “letting go.”
You know what I just thought of? “Closing doors” is a really stupid phrase. I was trying to make a door out of a cement or maybe metal wall. I don’t think a window or some other door was opened… Instead, I just realized that I was kind of an idiot and was wasting time walking into corners and walls and shit.
I know this is a bit of a strange “re-entry into the blogosphere” post… but it needed to be something. Anyway, before I sign off for however long, I want to post something that I thought after traveling to the Dominican Republic for a missions trip. I wanted to save it for when I was “more-traveled” and supposedly wiser, but then I realized that that statement contradicted the very point I was making and everything about the honesty I would like to convey. So, here it is:
You can travel the world in search of a story, but only when you can return home for the finale will you understand what is most important.
And so. In one month I am leaving the United States with no plans of returning. But… I will when it is time for the finale.